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noiZe Magazine Music Reviews

Miami and the beaches

Written by Mark A. Thompson and Robert E. Doyle

When viewed from the air, Miami Beach even looks like a cruise ship—one of those deck plans telling you where to find everything you need. So is it any wonder that the world’s most famous sandbar is a never-ending party? From its inception in the imaginations of robber barons with big money and big plans, right through the war years, when 500,000 Army recruits called it home, Miami and the Beaches have always been a non-stop bacchanal. With photographer’s light as fabled as the south of France and a smorgasbord of Art Deco masterworks, it’s no wonder that fashionistas and gays reclaimed the Beach as their own. The stretch of Miami Beach south from 21st Street is the Deco District known as South Beach, or SoBe.

From the cocaine cowboys of Miami Vice to Madonna, Oprah, Ricky and the Versaces, nearly everyone who’s anyone has taken a fiesta here. A lifestyle that’s built around skin and sun and sin and more skin means that the locals keep themselves fit so they look even better when they’re not wearing much—which is most of the time. Just be sure to strut and stroll and work it like you own it, and you’ll be indistinguishable from the natives. That, and a couple of months of hardcore dieting and gym workouts.

WHERE TO STAY

The Catalina
1732-1756 Collins Avenue,
Miami Beach
305-674-1160
http://www.catalinahotel.com

Affordable luxury and style, with white rooms and new white bathrooms. Oversized towels, 300-thread count Belgian sheets, and goose down comforters. Settle in and smile.

The Essex House Hotel/Lounge
1001 Collins Avenue, Miami Beach
305-534-2700
http://www.essexhotel.com

Designed in 1938 by Henry Hohauser, Art Deco architect extraordinaire, this landmark represents classic elegance married to today’s technology. As much sanctuary as center of SoBe style, with one of the loveliest front patio porches.

Metropole South Beach
635 Collins Avenue, Miami Beach
305-672-0009
http://www.metropolesouthbeach.com

Chic and intimate one- and two-bedroom suites provide a residential feel in the heart of SoBe shopping. A bit of Melrose on the beach.

Doubletree Surfcomber Hotel
1717 Collins Avenue, Miami Beach
305-532-7715
http://www.surfcomber.com

Host hotel for Winter Party, as well as site of its Pool Party, a resort atmosphere makes it difficult to leave the premises. But an ideal location only blocks from Lincoln Road makes it convenient for meals—and las citas with the locals. One of the most loved South Beach hotels.

Townhouse Hotel
150 20th Street, Miami
877-534-3800
http://www.townhousehotel.com

Owner Jonathan Morr created a hotel that is a little bit wallpaper, a lot Pee-wee’s Playhouse. Just the kind of playful and easy place you associate with island vacations.

The Whitelaw Hotel
808 Collins Avenue, Miami Beach
305-398-7000
http://www.whitelawhotel.com

Located in the heart of SoBe’s retail strip, the Whitelaw enables easy access to the many stores, as well as a perfect porch for watching other inveterate shoppers. And when you head inside, the magenta lobby with its black crystal chandeliers reminds you that you’re no longer in Kansas.

WHERE TO EAT

Joe’s Stone Crab
11 Washington Avenue,
Miami Beach
305-673-0365
http://www.joesstonecrab.com

A South Beach institution since 1913; no visit is complete without eating at Joe’s. Stone crabs and hash browns and melted butter and martinis and key lime pie, all served by a staff as polished as marble in a setting evocative of all great chop and seafood houses along the Atlantic shore.

Maxine’s Bistro & Bar @ The Catalina
1732 Collins Avenue, Miami Beach
305-674-3527
http://www.catalinahotel.com

Located inside the Catalina, Maxine’s also provides street-side seating for watching the scene along Collins Avenue. Breakfast served daily until 3 p.m.; on Sundays, go to the dogs with “Must Love Dogs” brunch.

La Lupa Di Roma
610 Lincoln Road, Miami Beach
305-532-6657
http://www.lalupadiroma.com

Authentic Roman dishes cooked by chef/owner Giorgi Nisti, father of celebrated SoBe flaneur and celebutante, Flavio Nisti. Homestyle cuisine, with a super-dose of home-cooked glamour. Warm and friendly.

La Sandwicherie
229 14th Street, Miami Beach
305-532-8934
http://www.lasandwicherie.com

A late-night institution in a late-night town. Well-loved for a reason: the mustardy French vinaigrette sauce that accompanies the fresh sandwiches and salads. Pull up a stool and order extra. Trust.

Spris
731 Lincoln Road, Miami Beach
305-673-2020
http://www.spris.cc

“Best Pizza” by Miami New Times + Zagat-rated “Best Gourmet Pizza” by SunPost + Best People Watching = Spris (pronounced “sprees”). You can’t go wrong here.

The Van Dyke Café
846 Lincoln Road, Miami Beach
305-534-3600
http://www.thevandykecafe.com

This jazzier sibling to News Café is housed in one of Lincoln Road’s more iconic buildings, on a corner that’s always packed with delicious cruising as well as eats. Upstairs, there’s live music. On the street, there’s live theatre and an endless parade.

The Café @ Books & Books
933 Lincoln Road, Miami Beach
305-695-8898
http://www.matzbros.com

Chef Bernie Matz is a cookbook star, and nearly everything served at his relaxed and casual café features healthy South Florida fare, from gourmet sandwiches and panini, to pan-seared scallops in a coconut shrimp sauce. Wine and beer, and an excellent espresso bar to boot.

WHERE TO DRINK

Halo Lounge
1625 Michigan Avenue,
Miami Beach
http://www.haloloungemiami.com

The South Beach outpost of the D.C.-based watering hole, as famous in its own right for ongoing celebrity sightings as for its Friday night happy hour and beautiful bartenders (and general manager). Theme parties, specialty cocktails and some of the hottest boys in town at some of the most celebratory parties on the sandbar. Angels and devils, all mixed together make an unbeatable combo.


Palace Bar
1200 Ocean Drive, Miami Beach
http://www.palacesouthbeach.com

For decades, the Palace, in one form or another, has welcomed the boyz and girlz) coming from the beach, and kept them coming back for more, with their delightful drag shows and tea dances. Check them out on Fridays and Saturdays at 6 p.m. for drag madness, and then again on Sunday for their brunch, with drag shows on the sidewalk, followed by their well-loved t-dance. Sundays @ the Palace are a Beach institution.

Vlada Lounge
3215 NE 2nd Avenue, Miami
http://www.vladabar.com

Midtown Miami’s first gay bar, sister to its well-loved Hell’s Kitchen Manhattan sibling, with the same ice bar. If Siberia looks as chic as Vlada, book me a flight.

Martini Tuesdays
new location every week
http://www.sobesocialclub.com

Eight years strong, and getting more crowded by the week, Edison Farrow’s Martini Tuesdays has become one of those roving parties that brings together locals and visitors from all over the globe for martinis at some of the Beach’s more glamorous locales. Simply gorgeous. Check the website for Martini Tuesdays’ latest location.

Piano Man Wednesdays @ Crescendos Piano Bar
113 Lincoln Road, Miami Beach
http://www.sobesocialclub.com

A new weekly piano bar night, featuring some of the best pianists and singers from all over the world. Located at the splendid di Lido building, home of the Ritz Carlton.

The Simple Life @ Buck15 Lounge
707 Lincoln Lane, Miami Beach
http://www.sobesocialclub.com

Thursdays are Buck15’s only gay night—and filled with the Beach’s sexiest, scene-making boys. Enter from the back staircase—be sweet to door goddess Chyna—and upstairs, you’ll find Daisy D spinning hip-hop in this intimate lounge.

WHERE TO DANCE

Score
727 Lincoln Road, Miami Beach
http://www.scorebar.net

The true cynosure of South Beach gay life, this Lincoln Road club is always hot fun—thanks in no small part to the incredible owners, Billy and Luis, and their amazing staff, all of whom work to ensure that everyone is treated like a VIP. True hospitality combined with a state-of-the-art space, complete with lounges, bars, outdoor seating, and a dance floor that is the scene of some of the most incredible parties on the sandbar. Not to be missed. Check the website for what’s happening day by day.

Twist Nightclub
1057 Washington Avenue, Miami Beach
http://www.twistsobe.com

Known the world over for its labyrinthine warren of rooms and bars where you’ll find everyone you’ve ever lost and hoped to see again. Everyone goes here, and everyone ends up here. It’s everyone’s hometown club, washed ashore on South Beach.

Azucar
2301 SW 32nd Avenue, Miami
http://www.clubazucar.com

Voted “Best Gay Bar” by the Miami New Times, Azucar takes its name from Cuban singer Celia Cruz’s famous greeting. It’s all sugar, baby, with hot boyz carousing to the best Latin music. Mojitos and papis and spectacular shows … life can be sweet.

Discotekka
950 NE 2nd Avenue, Miami
http://www.discotekka.com

This large three-room venue packs them in every Saturday night.

Nocturnal
50 NE 11th Street, Miami
http://www.nocturnalmiami.com

This 20,000 square-foot, three-level nightclub is a serious dance club for serious music lovers, and the locale of the Monday morning music marathons following White Party Week and Winter Party Week.

Parkwest
30 NE 11th Street, Miami
http://www.stereomiami.com

A cavernous converted warehouse on the famous nightclub strip in Downtown Miami, Parkwest possesses an incredible LED video wall to accompany some of the fiercest DJs in town. Check the website for the dates of major White Party/Winter Party events.

Space
34 NE 11th Street, Miami
http://www.clubspace.com

Is there a nightcrawler on the planet that has yet to hear of Space? If you haven’t yet been to Space, you’re in for the ride of your life. Scene of numerous legendary parties, patronized by every nocturnal being in the galaxy, Space keeps evolving with the latest in lighting and sound systems. Check the website for the dates of White and Winter Party events.

Sunday Skool @ La Folie
La Folie (former dek23)
655 Washington Ave, Miami Beach
http://www.oagproductions.com

Omar Gonzalez, the sexy promoter of the long running and ever popular Sunday night Click parties (which star everyone famous, hot and fierce), has now transformed Click into Sunday Skool. Ain’t it time you learned a few new lessons?

WHAT TO SEE

The Beach
12th Street Beach, Miami Beach

Hello? It’s called Miami Beach for a reason. Be there—every afternoon. This stretch is where the hot boys are. Get there early if you want to stretch out in a rented beach chair.

Miami Beach Botanical Gardens
2000 Convention Center Drive, Miami Beach
305-673-7256
http://www.mbgarden.org

A four-and-a-half acre botanical sanctuary of orchids, tropical plants, trees, a Japanese garden, and a “living wall” vertical landscape. Breathe. Smell. Relax.

Miami Beach Holocaust Memorial
1933 Meridian Avenue, Miami Beach
305-538-1663
http://www.holocaustmmb.org

A colonnade, a statue, black granite, a reflecting pool, lily pads, and the azure sky. All combine to create a memorial both elegiac and meditative.

South Pointe Park
1 Washington Avenue, Miami Beach
305-673-7730

Miami Beach’s latest park, a sculptured greensward along Government Cut and the Atlantic Ocean, is a true tropical urban gem.

WHERE TO SHOP

Lower Collins Avenue
Fifth Street to 16th Street,
Miami Beach

Two blocks from the ocean, it’s a shopper’s paradise, with some of the nation’s premier retailers housed in some equally lovely Art Deco buildings. Expand your shopping bag collection at Armani, Barneys, Kenneth Cole, Sephora, Agnes B, Nicole Miller, MAC, Kidrobot, Todd Oldham, Polo Sport, Cynthia Rowley, Intermix, and a dozen other chic boutiques. 

Lincoln Road
Pedestrian mall from Washington Avenue to Alton Road, Miami Beach

Even after a decade’s growth, Lincoln Road is still the most fascinating pedestrian walkway in Florida, more Roman piazza than American mall, filled with some of the most gorgeous retail that can make a shopper’s heart palpitate—along with equally gorgeous specimens of humanity.

Design District
3930 NE 2nd Avenue, Downtown Miami
305-572-9052
http://www.miamidesigndistrict.net

An eighteen-block neighborhood with over 133 establishments to explore, the Design District has exploded in the past five years, and offers far more than its original emphasis on home décor and furnishings, now encompassing restaurants and lounges, as well as retail for the inveterate shopper. 

Base
939 Lincoln Road, Miami Beach
305-531-4982
http://www.baseworld.com

The most fun store on Lincoln Road, with some of the most imaginative collection of goods available on planet Earth. Co-owners Bruce and Steven, and music goddess Angie, bring their esoteric tastes in music, art, and fashion to lighten your world. 

Tomas Maier
170 NE 40th Street, Miami
888-373-0707
http://www.tomasmaier.com

The Beach’s loss was the Design District’s gain when Tomas Maier moved, but it makes a very good reason to trek off the sandbar. The former creative director of Bottega Veneta started his eponymous line in 1997 after training with luxury houses throughout Europe. With outposts in Palm Beach and East Hampton, Maier does understated luxury, refined and sublime: fashion for the cognoscenti.

The Webster
1220 Collins Avenue, Miami Beach
http://www.thewebstermiami.com

Located in a historic hotel designed in 1939, this is 20,000 square feet of pure luxury, curated by one of the founders of the Parisian gem Colette, and spread out over three luscious levels—including the U.S. outpost of acclaimed Parisian restaurant Caviar Kaspia. Paris has Colette; New York, Barneys; and Boston, Louis. Now the Beach has the Webster. 
SPECIAL EVENTS
White Party Week
November 25-30, 2009
Miami and the Beaches
http://www.whiteparty.org

In 2009 White Party celebrates its 25th year at Vizcaya, the 30-acre Italian Renaissance-styled palazzo of industrialist James Deering. Created by altruists to fight AIDS during a time when the nation’s highest elected officials were indifferent, White Party Week is the oldest major—and still one of the largest—AIDS fundraisers in the world. Proceeds go to Care Resource, the local service provider.

Winter Party Week
March 3-8, 2010
Miami, Fort Lauderdale, and the Beaches
http://www.winterparty.com/noize

Seventeen years ago, a one-time charity dance event was held on the beach to fight intolerant legislation. Winter Party has evolved into a weeklong festival, now partnered with the Task Force. More than 10,000 guests from all over the globe attend a smorgasbord of more than 25 cultural and dance events—from parties and fashion shows to art shows and dining. Thus far, $1.85 million has gone to various LGBT organizations.

Miami Beach Pride
April 16-18, 2010
Miami Beach
http://www.miamibeachgaypride.com

Hard to believe that the Beach only celebrated its first Pride in 2009—but, as with all things on the Beach, they did it with style, along with 20,000 people. Patti LaBelle and Richie Rich of Heatherette served as co-grand marshals. Expect an even more fabulous celebratory Pride Parade Festival and Expo for the sophomore year.

Atlantis Sailaway Party @ Score
January 16, 2010
727 Lincoln Road, Miami Beach
http://www.hiltonwolman.com
http://www.scorebar.net

Send off the largest gay cruise at Hilton Wolman’s Atlantis Sailaway Party at Score.

Long-term New Yorkers, Mark and Robert have also lived in San Francisco, Boston, Provincetown, D.C., Miami Beach and the south of France. Mark is the author of the novels Wolfchild and My Hawaiian Penthouse. Robert is the producer of the documentary We Are All Children Of God.

 

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