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A Deeper Pride

Written by Jeffery Taylor

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim June 2009 as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month. I call upon the people of the United States to turn back discrimination and prejudice everywhere it exists.

- President Barack Obama
June 1, 2009

For me, June has always been an exciting month. The beginning of summer and warmer weather brings with it the anticipation of vacations and summer Fridays. When I lived in Florida, we would look forward to the beginning of June as we planned for the long weekend in Orlando for Gay Days at Disney. But it was the end of the month that held even greater significance for us. We would plan our trip to New York City for Gay Pride. Pride is our holiday, a time that we gather together to celebrate who we are, to reflect on what we’ve been through, and to stand for our equality. And every year, we honor that over this special weekend. This year, Pride seems even more important than ever.

No one can deny that this is a very exciting time for the gay community. Just last week, New Hampshire became the sixth state to legalize same-sex marriage, following on the heels of Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Maine, and Vermont. New York Governor David Paterson has recently introduced legislation legalizing gay marriage, which has already passed New York’s Assembly and, as of this writing, is awaiting a vote in the State Senate.

There is still strong opposition, however, to our community having the same rights, responsibilities, and respect as our heterosexual brethren. This was demonstrated in November 2008 by the passing of Proposition 8 in California, a state constitutional change prohibiting marriage by couples of the same sex, which was just upheld earlier this month by the California Supreme Court.

New York allows domestic partnerships, so last November my partner Steven and I stood together at the Office of the City Clerk and declared ourselves to be domestic partners. It’s as close to marriage as we could get in our state. I often refer to us as married now.

“But you’re not married,” interjected our friend Jeff over dinner the other night. “You’re partners,” he flatly told us. I wanted to disagree with him and tell him that in my heart I’m married to Steven. But I understood his point. He said that saying we’re married when we’re not takes away from the fight that is necessary to achieve true equality for all of us. I want to marry Steven because I want to spend my life with him, not like a business partner with whom I’ve entered a contract but as a formal union between two people. A marriage.

Some people suggest that I should just be happy with what I have and not push it too far. Why should I? I don’t want to settle for what’s not fair. I will stand and fight for my equality. Because I deserve it. Because we all deserve it. I feel like this is important enough to fight for.

“I think too many people saw Milk and just want to march and protest so they can cruise,” said one of my friends in a recent email exchange on the topic.

“Your insouciance is only matched by your hypersexuality,” replied one of my other friends. Unfortunately, I think that’s true of a lot of us. I know that was true of me for quite some time.
Another friend replied: “No doubt you would go to cruise, but we march and we protest because we’re sick of it. Sick of being treated second class. Sick of being told we’re going to hell. Sick of not being equal. Sick of not having our rights.”

‘Second-Class Citizen’ No More!

I agree. Why can’t I marry my partner proudly? Why do I have to settle for a domestic partnership? Why do I have to feel like a second-class citizen? Why can’t I walk down the street holding hands with my boyfriend? Why do I have to put up with looks on the subway like I’ve done something wrong for just being the way I am?

There was a segment on the Tony Awards this year where George Hearn reflected on La Cage Aux Folles. “It was more than a play,” he said. “It was a social moment in America.” Hearn played the lead character in the 1983 Broadway production as a drag queen who sings, ‘Your life is a sham till you can shout out loud ‘I Am What I Am!’”

I live my life out and proud, but I have to admit there are times when I am not exactly what I am. In certain situations, I rein in my behavior so as not to appear “inappropriate” or make anyone “uncomfortable.” And that does not make me proud. Acting not like myself to please or pacify others, or for fear of my safety, seems wrong. Because it is.

I am reminded of the terrible beating that Kevin Aviance endured just before Pride three years ago in New York’s East Village. Kevin had sustained a broken jaw in the attack. I remember it vividly because I had also suffered a broken jaw from a car accident a couple weeks before. My jaw was broken because another cab slammed into my cab and my face hit the plexiglass divider in front of me. My jaw broke from the intense impact. Kevin’s jaw broke because a bunch of guys were kicking him in the face. And he’s not the only victim of a hate crime. Unfortunately, there are a lot more.


We’ve come a long way, but we’ve still got a long way to go. It will take the determination and dedication of each of us to demand what is fair. I called my State Assemblyperson’s office to let my voice be heard on the gay marriage vote here in New York. I had never done anything like that before, but I did it because I think it’s important.

I’m hoping that one day we can be out and proud everywhere without fear of judgment or hurt. And for that, I will be at the Parade with my partner and with my friends, standing together and declaring ourselves worthy and important and equal.

Pride and the Circuit (Yes, the Circuit)

Gathering together reconnects us as a tribe. It was Steve Kammon, one of my best friends and the founder of Circuit Noize (now noiZe), who introduced me to the ritualistic aspect of our parties. Steve was the shaman of the Circuit and taught us all about the deeper meaning of our gatherings. There is a power in us coming together, for each of us and for all of us.

I look forward to gathering together on the dance floor with my family of friends. The dance floor binds us together. It’s where many of us met. Dancing together in celebration brings us back to our tribal roots. And I believe that is necessary. To remind us who we truly are. The dance floor is one place where I can let go and just be. Be who I am, surrounded by people like me who love me for me. 

Being present at a party with great music and cute boys flirting indiscriminately is easy. Our senses are bombarded with sights, sounds, and smells. Tactile sensations abound. Connecting to the music on a deeper level takes you to a place within where we’re all one. When you get past all the layers and labels, we’re all the same. We’re all equal.

Obama’s proclamation is at least a step in the right direction. “Due in no small part to the determination and dedication of the LGBT rights movement,” it states, “more LGBT Americans are living their lives openly today than ever before.” He’s right. It’s because of the gay community’s persistence and perseverance that we’ve made such great strides. But it will take more action for us to reach true equality. In his proclamation, Obama commits to “achieving equal justice under law for LGBT Americans.” Hopefully, his actions will soon match his words.

Steven and I are headed to D.C. for Capital Pride this weekend. We’re so excited. We bought matching anti-Prop 8 shirts that say “LOVE ALWAYS WINS” on the bottom of them.  I know: we’re so gay. Which is why we’re excited. We went to D.C. for Pride last year and had the best time.  Standing on Pennsylvania Avenue with tons of other queers, having a gay ol’ time, with the Capitol Building as our backdrop. Protected, safe and allowed to be who we are. There are many countries where you would be killed for a whole lot less than that. So we have a lot to be grateful for.

Things are happening all around us, and we’re moving forward toward real equality. I believe now more than ever, we should show our true colors and celebrate who we are and how far we’ve come. Proudly.

Happy Pride!

Reader Comments

Jeffery, thank you for this beautifully written piece and for standing up for all of us. I agree Obama’s taken a step in the right direction, although it might be the time to rejoice, we cannot relent. As one of my coworkers has said, “This is great, but what happens in July?” What happens in July, is we seize the moment of opportunity. We all recommit to demanding equality in marriage for all, yes, and all other legal rights. I firmly believe that until each and everyone of us feels free to openly love who we chose to love and to know our rights are equally protected is doing so, then none of us are really free. To deny one group its rights, is to deny all of us.

By Susanna on 06-23-2009

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